Another 2 months? Really?

I am getting so frustrated.

I had a pretty major "incident" today (well, yesterday... I just haven't been to bed yet). It was enough to scare my Speech Pathologist and have her cancel the rest of my therapy for the day, not bill me, and send me home.

I want to see my **** neurologist. I'm about to the point where I want to call them and bump up my appointment. I don't want to wait another 2 months. I've already had my MRI, and I can't get my ***** EEG scheduled no matter who I call. I've left numerous voicemails and talked to so many people.

I'm starting to have more "spells" as we shall call them. The fatigue is getting worse, the medication is now starting to lose its magic, and I'm starting to feel even more like shit on a regular basis again. Hey, at least I'm losing weight while I look like a pale, shakey, whiney, loser right?

I can't do things I want to do, I can't get a job. I can't stand for more than a few minutes, I can't walk more than a few feet, I can barely make dinner for my boyfriend, I can't clean my house in a day, but I'm not disabled right? I'm fine. Everything is fine. Everything is perfect. I just need to suck it up and get back to doing everything I was doing before.

Losing Weight Without Exercise

So my medications make me lose weight. Side effects and all that jazz, partially because I alternate between not sleeping at all/sleeping a lot, and partially because they suppress my appetite and I have to force myself to eat. I am eating healthy, just not as much. I've lost a lot of weight.

I'm already starting to get flab in my arms. I am not cleared for exercise. My BP used to be about 120/70, now it's low. Last time it was checked about a week ago it was 90/60.

I get dizzy, I'm not supposed to do a lot of walking or go places by myself because of the seizures and passing out, and I can't walk even do half a flight of stairs without getting winded.

I still haven't gotten in to a PCM, I'm on a waiting list.